It is agreed upon that all conflict is a natural part of relationship building, however, not everybody approaches conflict the same way. Ultimately the only solution to conflict that leaves everyone happy is a win-win, oddly, human relationships tend to use this approach least often.
The trajectory of human relationship reveals dysfunction as primary response.
While the majority of people tend to be avoiders, or take flight when conflict arises, this response can be a temporary way to keep the peace, however, it is an unskilled response revealing lack of assertion. In contrast, fighters are people who enjoy the stimulation of an argument that is produced as a result of provoking others, or promoting disturbance that leads to further conflict. While the goal of conflict is to deepen the bonds of relationships, fighters tend to lose sight of consequences over the long-term. For some people this response to conflict has its advantages, and disadvantages as winning your perspective comes at the cost of leaving other parties in the conflict unhappy, and disillusioned with the relationship.
Part of understanding conflict is understanding other perspectives in the conflict. While fighters tend to be overbearing, stressful, and destructive, they do have a point of view all of their own. Advantages to fight behaviour may be necessary when quick actions need to be taken, fighting for some may break the monotony and produce excitement from the perspective of an audience, one may gain approval for overpowering another individual, which full-fills an inner-egotistical need which for some, increases self-esteem as fighting is protecting one's self-interest.
People who tend to exhibit fight mentality may be people who came from a family where conflict was frequent and distressing, and where outcomes for winners and losers were readily observed. This is an environment where a 'fighter' may have frequently been a loser. Adults who are fighters, may decide to avoid being in a losing situation and may develop strategies to ensure their position is on the winning side. A fighter may find conflict as a means of maintaining a positive self-esteem. Relationships have a way of building our self-esteem, or tearing it down. When relationships are healthy, an exchange of respect, trust, and healthy boundaries are evident, unhealthy relationships break down people at a core level.
The disadvantages of fight positioning in conflict resolution is consequently no resolution. The emotional and financial cost of broken relationships far exceed the benefits. The result for the 'fighter' is diminishment of self-esteem due to the loss of relationship over the long-term. Fighting generally impairs relationships, or any likelihood of future cooperative outcomes. Fighting compounds the issues that are in need of resolve, this increases the frequency of negative feelings, and behaviours to come.
The most successful response to conflict is from people who choose to respect the other party including themselves by creating a win-win solution. These people exhibit positive listening and communication skills, are empathic in their communication, and offer solutions that empower everyone involved, including themselves. Producing win-win outcomes builds confidence and self-esteem in everyone involved in the conflict, as a result of this, people tend to agree to future cooperation. Even though the real issues that underlie conflicts surface, these issues can be resolved when individuals seek a win-win. This approach fosters empathic communication, and negotiation of solutions.
