Updated: Mar 21, 2021
There seems to be this confusion about why some people struggle socially, while others gain success, especially those people that seemingly have what it takes to make it in this world, fail in the social department of life. Our ability for success is not dependent on others, as much as it depends on how we relate to ourselves.
Our personal success begins when we are about twelve months old, as we start to develop self-awareness. At this early stage of life, the connection to our primary caregiver serves as a regulator for our nervous system. This relationship paves the way for our future. Our capacity for self-regulation is learned through the relationship we have with our primary caregiver in early development. One component of self-regulation is emotional regulation known as affect regulation. What this consists of is one's ability to handle the intensity of their emotions, by understanding the purpose of emotion. This looks like being able to identify, or label emotions as they arise, as well as, understanding related sensations in the body, and one's behaviour in connection with bodily sensation. Another aspect of affect regulation is maintaining a position of non-judgement around emotions, in other words, allowing emotions to exist without acting out, for example, verbalizing your feelings of anger instead of dramatizing in anger. Last but not least, affect regulation involves having the ability to increase positive emotion, at the same time realizing, you are not your emotions, yet, emotions are designed to give you direction that helps you grow to learn more about yourself. In some cases one may act in opposition to emotion, for example, facing fear, and moving forward, understanding that the fear is not you, but a creation of prior experience designed to give you insight, and protection in the moment.
Research in neuroscience has reported that trauma in early development results in psychological compromise that manifests as the inability to regulate emotions, as well as, acts as a disruption of our autonomic functions of breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, and sleep. People who have healthy self-regulation sleep when they are tired, recognize when they are stressed, and have healthy ways to relieve their stress when it arises. In contrast, dysregulation produces intensity of emotional states, disrupted sleep and eating patterns, anxiety and panic attacks, compulsive behaviour disorders, depression, and addiction.
It is well known that each time a mother soothes her baby she is regulating her baby's nervous system, and over a timespan of development, she is shaping her child's capacity for self, and affect regulation. A compromised capacity for self-regulation can negatively impact a person for a lifetime. The need to be regulated is so important, that when we are in a state of dysregulation we seek to find comfort at any cost, for example, we smoke, even though we know it is harmful. Smoking acts as a regulator because it reduces anxiety, and can relieve depression, temporarily. Attempts to stop smoking, drugging, drinking to excess, hypersexuality, overeating, undereating, overworking, over-exercising, all fail because it is very difficult to give up a means of self-regulating.
Consider that the highest attainment of consciousness is that of enlightenment of the self, or pure consciousness. This frequency state is considered the highest vibrational frequency humanly attainable, in contrast, the lowest frequency is that of the emotion of humiliation, which equates to shame. Shame is commonly carried by survivors of abuse. This frequency scale can be equated to the idea of heaven, or hell, and is literally expressed in the vibrational frequency of the state a person is in, based on their emotional disposition.
Our ability to experience the upper scale of enlightenment is dependent on the first twenty-four months of life. When one is able to self-regulate, they have a healthy affect-regulation (emotional), this enables the capacity to experience trust, optimism, forgiveness, understanding, love, joy, peace, and bliss. In contrast, in a world where emotions are foreign, a person is catapulted into an underworld of experience that can be described as shame based, guilt ridden, apathetic, despairing, grieving, regretful, fearful, anxious, desiring, craving, angry, hateful, prideful, and scornful; a personalized hell.
This points to the conclusion that enlightenment is the production of emotional experience, and the world we live in is the one produced from the mind. Existing in a positive state of mind produces the positive, even when the world around you is negative. How much more is the light appreciated after a walk in the dark. To know true peace is to have longed for it, and mastered the creation of it. Seek Bindu - the point of creation.