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Lack of Focus or Narcissistic Abuse

Updated: Aug 29

One aspect of narcissism few people talk about is the behavior of creating dissension among people. Narcissists thrive on creating rivals amongst people, for example, a narcissistic parent will create rivalry through favouritism to gain control. One way they do this is to glean energetic supply from the golden child as well as the scapegoat because both of them please the ego. When the scapegoat and golden child become poisoned against each other, hatred and animosity is incited and rivalry ensues.

The narcissist will try to create an heir of omnipotence, this is the only way they can continue the pervasiveness of the disorder, they manipulate people and create utter chaos as a means of control. Narcissists are people too, the bottom line here is that when people have unmet human needs, they will become manipulative in relationships to get those needs met.

There are many things at play that involve narcissism, when an individual suffers for too long without their basic needs being met, their behaviours become survival mechanisms. All individuals will manipulate people, places and things in their environment when their needs are unmet. There are eight demonic forces evident in narcissistic personality disorder according to Instagram's Narc Abuse Coach that reveal a cry for help, and an unmet need according to Maslow's Hierarchy:

  • The Iron Fist Puppeteer: A manipulative force that pushes narcs to control and dominate those around them. (The need for predicability, safety and security in the environment.)

  • The Enchantress: A spirit that encourages the desire for power and influence through secretive means. (The need for achievement - fear of sabotage, and recognition of talent.)

  • The Green Eyed Monster: This spirit creates envy, making people unhappy and always wanting more. (Basic human needs unmet in childhood, basic human needs unmet in adulthood.)

  • The Silver Tongued Serpent: This spirit grants narcissists the ability to lie to others with ease. (The need for security, honesty, truth, acceptance and unconditional love in relationship.)

  • The Harsh Judge: This spirit leads narcissists to feel entitled and look down on others while boosting themselves. (The need for a positive healthy self-esteem.)

  • The Towering Inferno: Igniting arrogance, creating unawareness of the harm they cause around them. (The need for recognition of talent, acknowledgement of skill.)

  • The Shadow Stalker: This spirit feeds on the fear of rejection, driving narcissists to uphold their false image. (The fear of loss of relationship, and the need for consistent loyal relationships)

  • The Fog of Chaos: Causing confusion and uncertainty, this spirit binds narcissists to the harm they cause. (The need for safety and security that results from consistency and predicability in relationship.)

Every behavioural issue that exists in relationship is reflective of unmet needs in the now, or needs that were unmet in the distant past, that have developed into a persistent behaviour, or disposition of manipulation to accommodate the need. All things considered the golden rule should apply, do unto others as you would want others to do unto you. The bottom line is that when relationships are unhealthy, people will constantly be at a trigger or stimulated level of behavior. The more unhealthy a relationship is, the less safe a person will feel, which can result in behaviour that can easily enter into crisis. When a person's needs are unmet their baseline will not be existent, instead any little thing will set them off, or cause escalation. When an individual is baseline, happy, and contented the experience can be equated with self-actualization, which is compared to the feeling of joy because one feels safe physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually.

Does this mean, we should not call out behaviors in others that are literally infecting our society with toxicity? Narcissists breed more narcissists, this turns society on its head with more dysfunction. Unless we educate ourselves, hold to boundaries, be assertive, and make a point of calling others out on their unacceptable behaviors, we will live in a cesspool of other peoples dysfunction that will ultimately impact lives negatively.

Learning to recognize empaths, and separating them from non-empaths is the first step in recognizing toxic personalities. Non-empathic individuals tend to be narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic. More than half the world's population is this way. The more we stagnate our consciousness with religion that discourages consciousness, the more this population will grow. Lack of empathy leads to lying, cheating, and manipulating. To learn the difference among those with empathy, and those without, do this simple test; pretend to stub your toe in front of a suspected narcissist, and see how they react. Monitor their ability to acknowledge your emotions specifically by labeling what just happened for you. If they cannot relate to what is going on for you emotionally, and cannot label their own emotions in casual conversation, they may be very out of touch with themselves emotionally. This doesn't mean an individual cannot choose to evolve emotionally, the option is available to everyone.

Our goal in relationship is to seek to ground ourselves, and to have our basic good nature approved of and reflected back to us in a way that feels like support, and acceptance. In this healthy exchange we feel safe, even when feedback is designed to point out our flaws that inspire growth. In abusive exchange, lack of acceptance is reflected back, positive traits that the narcissist cannot relate to, give reason for contempt, love is void, and the exchange throws an individual off balance. Lack of focus follows.

Recognize those individuals that build relationship through support, encouragement, and acceptance of the good traits that make you who you are. Be aware that some relationships require a vast amount of healing, when one hands over vital energy and power in relationship to a toxic union, the more likely one is to experience calling a meeting that no supporters show up to.


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